Dave Anderson shares strategies for respectful, impactful feedback

Delivering feedback effectively isn’t just about what you say; it’s how you say it. Leadership expert Dave Anderson emphasizes that tone and inflection play a critical role in communication, especially when holding people accountable. On today’s episode of Lessons in Leadership, Anderson shares insights from his Master the Art of Accountability class, which stresses that emotional control and professional delivery are key to ensuring feedback resonates.

First, Anderson highlights a common challenge: maintaining emotional control when delivering tough feedback.

In his two-day accountability course, he asks attendees how many struggle with managing their emotions, and at least half raise their hands. This led Anderson to suspect that even more may relate. He notes that emotions often surface because people care deeply, but that care needs to be channeled professionally to be effective.

Drawing from negotiation expert Chris Voss, Anderson illustrates the power of delivery. He references FBI training, where even if negotiators use the right words, an aggressive tone undermines their success. On the other hand, a calm, controlled, and conversational delivery led to better outcomes. Anderson reinforces this with a UCLA study showing that 55% of communication is body language, 38% is tone and inflection, and only 7% is the actual words spoken.

“It’s not so much what you say, it’s how you say it.”

This insight highlights the importance for professionals to master tone and inflection during challenging conversations. Anderson advises leaders to steer clear of sounding condescending, personal, or profane, and to avoid raising their voice. He emphasizes that this advice applies beyond the workplace, as the way people communicate at home influences their overall interaction standards everywhere.

By consistently practicing controlled, respectful communication, leaders can ensure their message is not just heard but truly understood.